Text Practice
Learn
In this lesson, you will apply the concision techniques from previous lessons to full passages. Editing for concision in context requires you to balance brevity with clarity and meaning.
Key Concepts
- Context matters: Some repetition may be necessary for emphasis or clarity in longer texts
- Maintain voice: While cutting words, preserve the author's intended tone and style
- Sentence variety: Concise writing still needs varied sentence structures
- Transition words: Keep necessary transitions that guide readers through ideas
Common Passage-Level Issues
When editing full passages, watch for these patterns:
- Redundant topic sentences that repeat the thesis
- Unnecessary summary sentences at the end of paragraphs
- Overuse of transitional phrases like "In addition to this" or "Furthermore, it should be noted that"
- Repeated explanations of the same concept in different words
Examples
Example 1: Editing a Paragraph
Original (67 words):
In today's modern society, technology has become an important and essential part of our daily lives. People use technology for many different purposes and reasons. For example, people use their phones to communicate with others. They also use computers to do work. It is clear that technology is something that we cannot live without in this day and age.
Revised (28 words):
Technology is essential to modern life. People rely on phones for communication and computers for work. We can no longer imagine daily life without these tools.
Analysis: Removed redundant phrases ("important and essential," "different purposes and reasons"), eliminated obvious statements, and combined related ideas.
Example 2: Preserving Necessary Detail
Original:
The experiment, which was conducted over a period of six months, showed that plants exposed to classical music grew 15% taller than plants in the control group.
Revised:
The six-month experiment showed that plants exposed to classical music grew 15% taller than control plants.
Analysis: The time period and specific percentage are important details to keep; only the unnecessary clause structure was simplified.
Practice
Edit each passage for concision while maintaining clarity and meaning.
1. Edit this passage:
"At the present time, scientists are currently studying the effects and impacts of climate change on polar bear populations. The polar bears are facing many challenges and difficulties due to the fact that their natural habitat is melting. In the future ahead, this could lead to serious consequences for these animals."
2. Revise for concision:
"The author makes the argument that education is important. She supports this argument with evidence. The evidence she uses includes statistics about income. She also mentions research about health outcomes. All of this evidence supports her main argument."
3. Tighten this paragraph:
"In my personal opinion, I believe that recycling is something that everyone should do. There are many reasons why recycling is beneficial and good for the environment. First of all, recycling reduces the amount of waste. Secondly, it conserves natural resources. These are just some of the reasons why recycling is important."
4. Edit for clarity and brevity:
"The story takes place during the time period of the Civil War. The main character is a young soldier who is young in age. He faces many difficult challenges that are hard to overcome."
5. Revise this academic paragraph:
"There are several different factors that contribute to student success in school. One factor that contributes to success is parental involvement. Another factor is access to resources. A third factor is teacher quality. All of these factors work together to help students succeed."
6. Streamline this introduction:
"This essay will discuss the topic of renewable energy. The purpose of this essay is to explain why renewable energy is important. First, I will define what renewable energy is. Then, I will discuss the benefits. Finally, I will conclude with my opinion."
7. Edit for concision:
"Shakespeare, who is widely considered to be one of the greatest writers of all time, wrote many plays that are still performed today in the present. His works explore themes that are universal and timeless, meaning they apply to all people in all time periods."
8. Revise this conclusion:
"In conclusion, to sum up everything that has been stated above, it is clear that exercise has many benefits for both physical health and mental health. As has been shown in this essay, regular exercise can improve mood, increase energy, and reduce stress. Therefore, in light of all this evidence, everyone should make exercise a regular part of their daily routine on a regular basis."
Check Your Understanding
Question 1: When editing a passage for concision, what should you preserve?
Show Answer
Preserve the author's voice, essential details that support the argument, necessary transitions between ideas, and any information that cannot be inferred from context.
Question 2: What is the difference between editing a single sentence and editing a full paragraph for concision?
Show Answer
Paragraph editing requires considering how sentences work together. You may need to combine sentences, eliminate redundant topic or concluding sentences, and ensure ideas flow logically after cutting words.
Question 3: Identify three common patterns of wordiness in academic writing.
Show Answer
Common patterns include: (1) announcing what the essay will do instead of doing it, (2) restating the thesis in every paragraph, (3) using phrases like "in my opinion, I believe" or "it is important to note that."
Next Steps
- Practice editing your own writing using the techniques from this lesson
- Read published essays and notice how professional writers achieve concision
- Continue to the next lesson: Writing Application